Εἰρήνη
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| Vigee-LeBrunn - Peace Bringing Back Abundance, 1780 |
«Trygeas:
Now we can sing what Datis, the Persian banger, sang as he was having his mid-day wank: “Oh how well I can pleasure myself and enjoy myself and sexcite myself!” Right! Now, Greeks! Now is the right time to shake ourselves free from quarrels and from battles and lift out of there the goddess Peace, dear friend to us all! Let’s do this before some other pestle appears and stops us. (To the Chorus which isn’t yet visible but waiting on the wings. When they hear him they enter from both sides of the stage carrying between them all sorts of farm tools as well as excavating equipment and army gear: shields, spears, helmets, etc) Come on then farmers and merchants and builders and all you arty crafty people and all you aliens and foreigners - islanders, too. All of you, come out here quick! Come, bring your rams and ropes! Now is the time to pull this gentle goddess out of there and have her stand beside us!
Chorus:
Come men, come with joy! All Greeks can help here as they did before! Let’s get rid of this rotten class system and of the war mongers, those shits who wear the crimson cloak! The day has finally shone for us all, the haters of General Lamachus (To Trygeas) You, Trygeas! You be our boss and tell us what we need to do here. There’s no way I’ll be able to stop working till we bring this great goddess -great lover of the grape- out here into the light with our bars and rods. (Shouts of approbation from the rest of the chorus)
Trygeas:
Shhh! Not so much noise with your joy, you lot! All this shouting will fire up the god War in there!
Chorus:
But this call of yours made us so happy! It wasn’t the usual, “Come forth you men with your three days’ provisions, we’re off to war haha-haha!”
Trygeas:
Now, when you’re down there, you be careful with that war monger, Cleon. He’s their latest Cerberus and he’ll splutter and shout just as he was doing when he was up here. He’ll try and hinder our work so that we won’t be able to bring our goddess up here.
Chorus:
Not even people like him will be able to snatch her out of our hands once we get her. Is that right, men? (Shouts of agreement) Yeah! Yeah!
Trygeas:
Quiet, men! You’ll get me shafted with all your shouting! War will rush out here and trample everything under his big feet.
Chorus:
Let him do that! Let him rush out here and let him stir and crush and confuse everything. We’re not going to put a stop to our joy. (They begin their wild dancing.)
Trygeas:
Oh, God! What’s the matter now? What wrong with you all? Don’t destroy the most wonderful thing ever with all this noisy dancing of yours!
Chorus:
I can’t help it. I’ve got no control over my legs. See? I’m not trying to dance but my legs are so happy, they’re dancing all by themselves.
Trygeas:
Well, enough dancing for now. Stop it!
Chorus:
All right… Here! See, I’ve stopped!
Trygeas:
So you say but you still haven’t stopped.
Chorus:
Just one more little whirl, and that’s it!
Trygeas:
All right. Just one… and… no more! I said, no more!
Chorus:
All right, if it’ll help you, no more. No more dancing.
Trygeas:
Look, you! You’re still going!
Chorus:
Well, by Zeus! We’ll just have to toss this right leg over like this and… that’s it.
Trygeas:
All right, just that one toss. Have that one on me. (Chorus does so.) Now, stop being a pain.
Chorus: (Suddenly his left leg jerks)
Ah, look, my left leg wants a toss as well. Oh, I’m so happy! So overjoyed! (Farts-everyone laughs) Oh, I’m farting and I’m laughing so much! (More farts) This is even better than if I had rid myself of this aged skin of mine – better even than if I were a soldier shedding his shield!
Trygeas:
No, not yet! Don’t overdo the joy yet. We’re still not absolutely sure we’ll succeed, yet. Wait till we have her in our hands first. Then you can show your joy. You can scream, laugh, carry on as you please. Because only then you can be free to do as your heart desires: To travel for example, or to entertain at home, to fuck or just to go to sleep. Go shopping, play dirty games, be as decadent as you like. Then you can yell, oi, oi, oi, oi!»
Peace by Aristophanes
“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed.”
D.D. Eisenhower
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